Almost one in five women will have a miscarriage in her life, yet there is not much talk about this subject. It is therefore not surprising that some people do not know how to react if someone has had a miscarriage. That is why we tell you what you should and should not say.
These tips will help you know how to respond to your family member, best friend, or co-worker if they share this sad news with you.
This is what you say when someone has a miscarriage
There are a number of tips that you can think about when someone tells you that she has had a miscarriage.
1. Keep it general
You can’t fix the situation or talk it right, so: less is more. Keep it general and let your own feeling weigh out. Let the person know you care, are there for her, and offer your help. It’s also okay to express that you’re shocked and don’t know what to say for a while.
Some people tend to avoid the subject out of discomfort. Try not to do this or the person will not feel heard or loved. The most important thing is to listen, give advice if they ask, and acknowledge feelings.
3. Ask if you think something isn’t right
Some couples will not disclose their miscarriage until they become pregnant again. If you notice that your loved one is not feeling well, ask what is going on and offer a listening ear and possibly support. Couples often feel that they have to deal with this together, so it may be a relief if someone sees that things are not going well.
When you do know that someone has had a miscarriage, you can pay extra attention to her. If her behavior changes a lot, offer a listening ear again and possibly support.
4. How’s the rest?
It makes sense to ask the person who was pregnant how things are going. But don’t forget the partners, because they also mourn the loss. You want to make them feel that both of them are important right now.
5. Pay attention to future pregnancies
Many people who have had a miscarriage become pregnant again. But the loss may prevent her from needing a baby shower or gender reveal for fear it will happen again. The loved ones then have to put aside their own expectations, traditions or pleasures in order to support the pregnant person.
You don’t say this when someone has a miscarriage
There are also a number of statements that you better stay far away from if someone shares this intense news with you.
1. “It Wasn’t a Real Baby Yet”
Many women feel a bond with the baby-to-be early in their pregnancy. Plans are made, dreams are formed about family life and practical matters are considered. So never say that the baby wasn’t ‘real’ yet, because the baby was for the pregnant woman and her partner.
2. “At least you weren’t that far yet”
This statement will all but ease the pain, you make it seem like it’s not sad to lose your baby in the first trimester. The pain, in every trimester, makes perfect sense.
3. “It should have been”
This statement can be taken as if the person is not fit for parenthood, adding to the pain and sadness they are already experiencing.
4. “At least you can get pregnant”
Many people experience problems getting pregnant, which also brings pain and sadness. But that does not mean that a miscarriage is suddenly less painful, because you can get pregnant. Someone is deprived of parenthood, that is painful and sad. You cannot compare these situations.
5. “It happens to so many people”
This statement is terrible to hear for people seeking support. Miscarriage is common, we knowbut then someone still needs support, love, compassion and space to grieve.
Thank you! Bas starts platform for men after a miscarriage
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