Every week a reader tells us her story. This can be a meaning, but also a concern or a thought they have. From awkward dates to girlfriend irritations, and from money worries to secret desires. This week Minke* (24) tells her story.
Minke’s crush is starting to wear off and that has a very clear reason: her brand new boyfriend sends her Tikkies of the smallest amounts.
‘My friend sends me Tikkies of the smallest things, such as the bread at his house’
Money matters in relationships can be tricky. If one spends the money much more easily than the other, difficult feelings can sometimes be involved. This is now the case with Minke.
Hi Minke, can you tell us a bit more about your relationship?
“Well, there’s been talk of a relationship only recently. Jesse and I have known each other for four months, two of which we are now in a relationship. I want to let you know right away, because it’s not like I’ve known him for years. We’re having a great time, but I’m starting to get annoyed with his view of money. After all, he is black and white and believes that everything should be ‘fair’, while I prefer to treat each other once in a while.”
So what is his definition of “fair”?
”Suppose we take eating out as an example: then he prefers to calculate the receipt and pay for what he has eaten and drunk. I thought that was gallant at first, because he often ate and drank more than I did. But now it appears that he has a different mindset. He thinks very simply: ‘you pay for what you use’. And now other things come into play.
If I spend the night with him and make a sandwich for work, I will receive a Tikkie of € 1.50 that same afternoon. When I indicated that I thought that was a bit exaggerated, he didn’t understand what I meant at all. He just thinks very black and white and I sometimes find that difficult.”
What do you think is a good solution?
“I would like it all to be a little less sophisticated. If we get a coffee together during a walk, I don’t want to send him a Tikkie of it. But since he does, I feel cheated if I just let everything go. On the other hand, he doesn’t like it at all if I send a Tikkie of smaller amounts – we think completely differently in that regard.
I think it would be nice if we meet in the middle. That does mean that he should treat him to something now and then and that I send Tikkies for smaller amounts more often. I hope he can get used to that idea.”
*Minke’s name has been changed. The real name is known to the editors.