8 signs you’re insecure in your relationship (according to a psychologist)

How beautiful love can be, unfortunately it is not always about roses. After all, when you open yourself up to love, you also make yourself vulnerable and that can sometimes make you very insecure. Does the other person like me enough? Am I a good partner? Am I not asking too much? You can recognize from these eight signs whether you are insecure in your relationship.

Everyone is insecure sometimes, whether you are in a relationship or just happily single but if you are consistently quite insecure about your relationship, it can get in the way of a healthy love relationship. How do you know if you are insecure in your relationship?

Insecure in your relationship

In short, being insecure in your relationship means that you little trust in the relationship and that you are afraid that the relationship is at risk of falling apart. Usually, it’s because you’re questioning your partner’s feelings or you’re wondering how committed he or she really is to the relationship.

When you are sure of your relationship, you feel strong. “As if the relationship were a strong and safe island, full of love,” explains clinical psychologist Carla Manly MindBodyGreen. “When you are insecure in a relationship, you feel unstable, as if the relationship was built on an unstable foundation or even on quicksand.”

Of course there is nothing wrong with being insecure every now and then, that is very human. Especially when you have only just met and the feelings for each other are not yet completely clear. However, if you continue to feel insecure, even though you’ve been together for a long time and know each other well, it can’t exactly benefit the relationship.

Working on uncertainty in your relationship in time is essential to grow together and build a safe and strong relationship.

Signs of insecurity in your relationship

Therefore, be alert to the following signs of insecurity in your relationship:

1. Always ask for confirmation

A typical example of insecurity in your relationship is asking for confirmation from your partner. It’s a way to check if the other person is still happy with you. Questions like ‘are you mad at me?’ or ‘do you love me?’ are typical examples of this.

2. Look for rejections

If you’re always looking for actions or words from your partner that might be dismissive, that could be a typical sign of insecurity. You are then constantly observing the behavior of the other person over-analyzing to find ways in which the other person would stop liking you.

3. Always talking to the other person

To please the other, you like to talk to the other person. The other person votes his or her mood on the other, to please the other. That can be about the same hobbies, topics of conversation or the food you fancy. You hardly dare to say what you really feel like, for fear of losing the other person.

4. Not trusting the other person

Those who are insecure in a relationship probably also have problems with being able to fully trust the other person. As a result, you may become jealous and the other goes a lot’claim‘.

5. Exercising control over the other

If you don’t have trust in the relationship, one way to get some control over it is to try to control the other person. How? Crossing the boundaries of the other person, not allowing the other person any privacy or making them feel guilty about certain things, for example.

7. Taking things personally

Insecure people are more likely to take things personally, even if it often has nothing to do with them. Does your partner go out for dinner with friends? You may think he doesn’t want to eat with you when in reality he just wants to see his friends.

8. Don’t let the other person get too close

Are you insecure in your relationship? Then one way to avoid getting hurt is to simply not let the other person get too close. If so, you probably have an avoidant attachment style. By creating emotional distance, you can be less affected if the relationship does go wrong.

Being insecure doesn’t mean the end

Know that if you feel insecure in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you will always be an insecure partner. It’s “just” feelings you’ve built up through previous trauma that you’re dealing with together can to work. However, you will have to play open cards with each other and create a safe basis for each other.

As a partner of an insecure person, you can therefore take this into account. With the proper communication, dedication and maybe relationship Therapy you can create and maintain an incredibly healthy relationship.

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